second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
There are a few people who still follow me here, and a few people who I think would like to know that I'm engaged to be married.

Big stuff!

It's a little strange to be doing something to resolutely heterosexual, but there you have it. He's a good friend from college so he knew me during some of my least attractive times. I'm in a much healthier place now than I've ever been. I'm following my dream job and I've fallen in love with someone who is kind, generous, smart, funny, and wants to walk with me on this roller-coaster we call life.

So it's looking like I'll be a married woman before October is finished.
second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
My apprenticeship is going well. I've been to 18 births, 16 of witch I can count (for various paperwork related reasons), and I freaking love it. While I still get blue sometimes, I'm probably more content than I've been in ages. Almost as long as I can remember.

Tonight I am working a postpartum shift at the birth center. That means checking vitals every four hours, cleaning up after meals/drinks, and helping out the families in any way I can. There are two families here tonight and they are both lovely.

How much do I love this job? Well... one of the moms (a second time momma for sure) wanted an hour or so of uninterrupted sleep since she has a loooooong day of visitors tomorrow. This means that I get to hold a baby for a bit. The birth center also has pretty good internet. All of this means that I am sitting here wearing a baby in a sling carrier while watching Star Trek: Voyager.

Life? Pretty freaking sweet.

I don't get to watch netflix at home (satellite internet won't let me) so getting to watch Voyager is a special treat. I feel super nostalgic. So many memories. Younger me is squeeing left and right while older me is providing a *spectacularly* filthy commentary. Oh, show.

Such a blessed night. Such a good place to be right now. So much compassion for the shithead I used to be.

Also, if this kid turns out to be a nerd (or have spectacular taste in women) I am taking full credit.


Feb. 1st, 2011 09:20 am
second_banana: (Poetry of curves)
Ummm... Hi.

So I dropped off the face of the planet internetwise for a while. I've been around. Been reading like crazy, but Big Things were happening that I just couldn't deal with in front of an audience and couldn't post updates without hellacious work arounds. 

I've been fighting some major ups and downs with depression and disordered eating. Mostly downs, but some really nice is quiet ups in the last year and a half. I had a very kind sweetheart. I had the nicest, gentlest break-up in the history of break-ups with said sweetheart and learned some lessons there that I really needed to learn.

I realized that I haven't talked to anyone from high school in over a year now. And I had only been talking to one person for years before that. I talk to two from college. Neither regularly. I'm embarrassed about who I used to be. I *know* I've changed. Isolation and self absorption tainted everything about who I was in high school. Depression and mistrust colored college. I have no idea how people from my past saw me because my perception was (and to some extent still is) colored by that twisted fuck of a thought process that comes from depression. 

Depression *sucks.*

But, you know, I'm getting better. I'm trying harder. And you know what? Things are looking up. I know there are a few of you who probably wondered what happened to me when I fell off the face of the planet. Well, there was the loved and lost thing, I kept going to midwifery school, I moved a few times, and I wished I was at a good place in my life to have a cat. (I fell head over heels in cat love with a housemates cat and got to cat-sit her for a few months while her parent was in Hawaii. This cat was the bomb, ya'll. I miss her.) 

The big news though? I got a midwifery apprenticeship. I'm about to start 18 months at Bella Vie birth center down near Salem, Oregon. Happy news! I'll be living with my folks (it's fine, we get along pretty well now that I'm not a teenager) in exchange for housekeeping, and really truely following my calling to help folks bring new folks into the world. Very very good news indeed! 

Much love to all of you, and many apologies for those I left without a word. *shameface* 
second_banana: (Poetry of curves)
So much news!

I have a new job- working in a memory care ward at an assisted living really near my house. The pay is less than perfect, but it's so freaking close that I have no real complaints right now. Also, in my four days of training people have had nothing but nice things to say about me and my performance. Which rules.

Housemates are awesome. I had a long conversation with housemate Kyle last night that wandered into what a hanky code for queer kinky nuns would look like. Black with a white stripe if you're into other nuns. Add a red stripe if you're into nuns on the rag. <small>(I would like to stress that both of us have the utmost respect for most orders of nuns and both have a healthy dose of familiarity with Catholocism so none of this was mocking or out of spite)</small>

Also, I am going to California for a weekend this July to visit the AMAZING [ profile] salixbabylon ! I'm more than a little excited, even though it means a Greyhound trip from HELL to get down there. (2-7AM on the morning of the 17th waiting for a bus at the Sacramento station? Jeebuz) Ah well, it was the cheapest option, and I am super into cheap. This is also the first trip I will be taking by my little lonesome, which is exciting. Good times ahead, my friends, good times.

There is a new puppy in the house. She's actually been hear for 6 weeks or so, but it is news to most of y'all. She's a boxer mix with a metric fucktone of energy, but she is super sweet as well. The cats hate her.

second_banana: (Walking away)
Well, I just lost my job today. I have been an in-home caregiver to the elderly, specializing in folks with dementia. It was mostly due to some clerical misunderstanding. Technically I was fired, but my boss is willing to be a personal reference, so that's on my side.

It does, however, pretty much puts all my summer plans to a grinding halt as I try to find a new job. Those days off I had planned to go on mini-vacation? Gone. I'm trying really really hard to focus on the positive. This is by no means the end of the world, but life just got a little more complicated. Which I'm really not all that into. 

Never been fired before. Hope to never be fired again. For those of you who have never had the experience... avoid it as long as possible. it sucks balls.
second_banana: (Poem of curves)
John and Rodney of Stargate Atlantis so very very clearly traded "OMG what the hell was that someone just died in front of me buddyfuck comfort" handjobs right after The Defiant One. They didn't talk about it or anything then, but that was totally their first time. While I enjoy other interpretations this is clearly a part of canon. Atleast my personal canon.

I'm also pretty sure I know when John/Ronon started and roughly when Teyla/Rodney started. I'm somewhat sketchier on when John/Teyla and Ronon/Teyla started. Ahhh, the logistics of having a OT4some.

You really should be watching this show with me. It's awesome in my head. *hearts show*
second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
John and Rodney of Stargate Atlantis so very very clearly traded "OMG what the hell was that someone just died in front of me buddyfuck comfort" handjobs right after The Defiant One. They didn't talk about it or anything then, but that was totally their first time. While I enjoy other interpretations this is clearly a part of canon. Atleast my personal canon.

I'm also pretty sure I know when John/Ronon started and roughly when Teyla/Rodney started. I'm somewhat sketchier on when John/Teyla and Ronon/Teyla started. Ahhh, the logistics of having a OT4some.

You really should be watching this show with me. It's awesome in my head.  *hearts show*

Holy shit

Apr. 23rd, 2009 11:11 am
second_banana: (Poetry of curves)
Holy shit, you guys. I just had the most awesomely powerful experience I've had in a really freaking long time.

So I was dreaming this morning. Dreaming I was in a play, acting a small part of one of the seven(?) daughters in some unnamed show about the relationship between parents. Most of the dream was set backstage during the rehearsal process. We were at that leading up the the dress rehearsal everyone is screwing around and everything is going to shit stage. One of my fellow actors had a baby there. A super tiny tiny preemie should-be-on-a-ventilator-if not more preemie. (Thanks school, way to get the lectures into my subconscious) So this dream is long and meandering; nothing is really happening one way or another. I've been holding the tiny baby and her parents are just getting ready to feed her when I am woken up out of a dead sleep by my father's voice calling for a midwife. My father is currently two+ hours away. I very carefully do not yet identify as a midwife. I'm a student midwife. 

But I heard, from outside my body, a voice calling for a midwife and I sat bolt upsight in bed convinced I had to answer that call. Knowing that that was who I was. Or will be. It  reminded me powerfully of the two times I have have intensly spiritually clarifying experiences.

Jesus. Talk about some validation that I'm doing what I think I need to do.

And now... a late breakfast.

ETA: I did check with two housemates to see if there was any noise that could have woken me up. Both said it's been dead quiet this morning. Weird.

second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
Dear LOST,

in the 1970's and 1980s an unexpected breech presentation (babies coming out ass first) was not call for an immediate c-section. I know it's considered SOP now, when doctor's aren't being taught how to help breech babes come out on their own, but on a REMOTE OUTPOST where I'm gathering MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY isn't routine (if they send them off the island to pop out a kid do you really think they perform appendectomies there?) there is no fucking reason for a breech breach babe to be a c-sec unless there is a prolapsed cord or other major issue.

No love,

second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
Directions: Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

Okay, all, please feel free to not do this at all, but I was curious as to what [ profile] salixbabylon associates with me. I was not let down. 

Birth )

Corsets )
Playful Sex )

Moving )

Coming Out )

Well. That's a post. In other news I'm having a rocking good term despite it being more difficult than terms past. Life is pretty damn good.

second_banana: (Walking away)
Drive by posting for the new year.

Spent Christmas down with the folks and promptly got snowed in with no power for just under a week. A WEEK. With no power, no internet, trying to save cell phone battery... bad news bears.

In good news I am gainfully employed and training starts on the 8th. I am picking up some babysitting gigs between now and then to feed my poor belly. Due to that I am working tonight taking care of a super sweet if precocious four year old girl. Not exactly fun city, but it's fundage. I would much much much rather be doing something else Even if my options were 1.) drive roughly forever to be with someone super dear who is not exactly thrilled with me at the mo. or 2.) watch my housemates try not to make out too much in front of me while we watch movies it would still be a New Years of my choosing. 

Much much love to all of you. I have a ton of catch up to do, a bit of writing that may take place, and oh so many thoughts on Stargate Atlantis I may just explode. Look forward to it.

second_banana: (Healthy breeze)
Quotes on sex and romance from around my house in the last few months:

"I don't really want to date her. But she's my little red-haired girl. It's better if she doesn't get screen time."

"I don't know! I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, and there she is with her shirt off trying to kiss me! I don't know why!" (re:her sweetheart with whom she has been sharing a bed with every night for over a month.)

"I should probably stop calling him Bad Sex Steve"*
"Dude... you didn't have to listen to you whine about that. I think he earned it."

"It's like gay, gay ,gay, Gay, OH SO GAY, P.S. Rodney's a heterosexual." (re: Stargate Atlantis)

"There is no amount of snuggling in the world that could make me put up with a tarantula in the house."

"What, so we're all going to meeting to pick up chicks now?"**

"I can't have sex with you! That means we have to get married!" (Two months ago. They are now having sex. No news on the wedding.)

"Check. Wanting to watch a movie you've already seen over making out is not a good sign."

"I just want one roommate who hasn't touched my cervix! Is that so hard?" (One roommate is her sweetie and she and I have been in midwifery school practicing gynecology skills together in class.)

"You make my tea tastes like gumdrops, and my pillow feel like tulips, and umm... my sneezes feel like a summer breeze."

"I'm not saying I would put out for someone who used Douglas Adams as a pick up line. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt."

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
** Meeting = super liberal Quaker church

I freaking love my housemates.
second_banana: (Poetry of curves)
*waves shyly*

Hello all. I do in fact exist, and have continually existed since I last posted in August. Hi.

A few of you have been asking about how school has been going. Quick answer? Pretty damn well. This term I'm really able to put things together in a much more cohesive way. Well woman gynecology and gynecology skills are <i>awesome</i> classes. I'm learning so freaking much and loving it. Cut for discussion of girl parts and examinations of said parts )

Since I last posted I started to do my winter depression. Joy. However, this was cut short by a pretty fucking powerful spiritual experience in Meeting (also: I've started attending unprogrammed Quaker meetings again which is stunningly good for me) and St. John's Wort. I cannot reccommend this little plant enough. I've been taking 2 dropperfuls every day with a little orange juice and it has been my saving grace. I am still struggling with depression, but it is mostly situational. The difference between situational depression and seasonal/chronic depression is so vast it's almost a relief to be this kind of depressed. 

On that note, the situational depression is almost all job related. I don't have one. This has been a huge stressor on me and I'm having a hard time keeping my chin up and convincing myself that I am a good worker and should be hired. Finances are becoming quite... gone. It's tough but I'll get over it.

I am still in full lust with Stargate Atlantis. the fact that the writing is often painfully bad and the in character behavior fluctuates so wildly between episodes cannot dull the fact that at any moment a giant orgy could errupt. This is less true for the current season, mainly because they aren't doing as much Team stuff, but still... I certainly have my pairing preferences, but honestly, there are very few pairings I can't see working in some way or another. It's pretty freaking great. I would also like to join in agreement that seasons 2-3 are probably the best, but each season has its high points.

There has been some weird stuff going on with interpersonal relationships, but mostly alright. I am currently living with a classmate (who is almost always wandering around the peak of awesomeness) and her sweetheart in a house in Portland. Our fourth roommate will be moving out, but that is a good thing. We need to find someone else. but it will be good to find someone who actually wants to spend some time hanging out with the coolness that is us.

So that's the last few months in a nutshell.

second_banana: (Walking away)
It should also go on record that I am now hopelessly and completely devoted to Stargate Atlantis. That it will be canceled at the end of the season is a tragedy I am in complete denial about it.

Also, there are a few moments I cannot watch without getting Helen Reddy's "I Didn't Mean to Love You" stuck in my head. It's a good thing I adore that song. *sniff*
second_banana: (Bea Arthur)
Holy transitional period, Batman!

So I haven't posted in ages. Bad Susan. I'd suggest spankings, but that won't really teach me much now will it?

So in the next two weeks I will be:
*Moving (Which I hate more than almost anything in the world)
*Changing work situations (same company different place at the moment)
*Starting the second term of my second year (Holy Shit! That's half way through midwife school folks.)
*Figuring out what to do with my broken laptop (cracked motherboard, but the hard drive is fine)
*Cutting my mid-ass length hair for the first time in years. First time since my mom lost all of hers to cancer. I'm hoping to let go of some baggage with it. Yes, yes, there will be before and after pictures.

Oh, also running lines for a play I'm in which goes up on the 20th of September. Not one cast member is off book. We rehearse 2 times a week.

I'm so stressed out I can't keep from giggling manically every five minutes.

*manic giggle*
second_banana: (Bea Arthur)

I'm not usually one to get excited about birthdays but this year I think I'm making an exception. It has been an interesting year. I'm slowly but surely gaining more knowledge, becoming more aware of the world, and less surprised when things happen.

My mother said to me a few weeks ago (ruminating on her own 55th birthday) that you keep waiting to feel like a grown up but it never quite happens. Life is just a series of stages. Transitions. With age comes experience so life doesn't surprise you as often. You recognize a change in the wind as a change, not the end of the world. Most of the time. But I think by and large adulthood is a myth. And I think I'm okay with that. Most of the time.

Today I am spending the day doing things I wanna do with whoever will join me. Going to a nude beach, going to a bar (something I so very rarely do), going to see the new Batman movie, and tomorrow I'm getting together with two of my favorite nerd fellows to watch some old school Doctor Who. I anticipate much awesomeness.
second_banana: (Helmet)
*I love midwifery. I am a raging ball of frustrated anger at midwifery school this term. One of our classes was taken over (while the usual instructor what our nursing twins) by a naturopathic doctor who clearly understands the material, just not how it applies to midwifery or how to share that information in a way anyone can retain.

*I may have an apprenticeship opportunity coming up. Interviews are being done this month and I want it SO BAD. I just need to finish up some paperwork before I can get an interview.

*Living in the city is for the birds, y'all. I want crickets and frogs and to see the freaking stars.

*I'm sorry I haven't been posting. RL has been... fraught. It looks like I'll get to take a little trip down therapy lane pretty soon, which is good, but intimidating.

In more awesometastic news I am completely in love with the song Draco and Harry by The Whomping Willows. Now, I don't ship Harry/Draco at all. I find it hard to overemphasize my boredom with the star crossed "two houses, both alike in dignity" blahblahblah. That said this is the most awesome love song in my world right now.

Go! Listen!
second_banana: (Walking away)
I just had the worst nightmare of my life thus far.

It started out in math class and ended with cannibal/zombie children killing my wife and baby. Along the way I had to kill a zombie rat with my bare hand. Did I mention it was my cowardice that got my wife and baby killed?

Gah! Dear subconscious, there are much nicer ways of getting a message across.

second_banana: (Healthy breeze)
Did you know that putting a fairly large piece of steel through your nipples kind of hurts?

Well I do.

Today I took a road trip to Seattle with two of my lovely friends and classmates. One of them got a haircut, then we all went to a lovely shop called Pierced Hearts to get our flesh punctured. Two of us now have nipple piercings and the third got her clitoral hood done. After that we went shopping for sex toys at Babeland. All in all a very good day.

So yeah. I now have two lovely horizontal barbells in my tits. I'm feeling both faintly badass and totally awesome. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but actually less than I was expecting. I watched my roommate get hers done first so I had some idea of what to expect (mainly a lot of pain). Afterwards when I was feeling like I had done pretty well for a big whiner the piercer (a woman named Chuck who I would recommend in a *heartbeat* she was just awesome) told us that nipple piercings are the most painful of the piercings. My roommate said hers hurt way worse than when she got a genital piercing (her triangle) done over a year ago. After hearing that I didn't feel pretty good, I felt freaking awesome. I was a ninja.

I'm pretty super happy I got them done, now it's just the long 4-6 months waiting for them to heal 100%.
second_banana: (Helmet)

This has to be the most awesome awareness campaign ever. Don't read the comments before you watch it, and I promise nothing jumps out at you. (I hate those!)

For the record... I totally failed.