Tears for Fears
Sep. 14th, 2005 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
second_bananaToday has not been the best of days. It started out all well and good. I got some writing done at work. (Working in the SoAn office provides a lot of spare time some days it seems. Pitty all my professors are in there so I can't sneak homework I didn't do the night before.) It's all about Paris so far. Helen showed up. Not quite sure what I want to do with it yet. Yeah. I think that's the last of the interesting bits, so I'll cut.
I'm being a twat through email to someone I love. Not trying to be, but neither of us are being understood. I hate fighting. It sucks ass. I don't know what's expected of me. Especially when it's not going anywhere because we can't really talk any other way. *looses at life*
For the first time in my life I have things I can't talk to anyone about. I've been in several situations where I had no one who understood or no one who wanted to hear it, but I usually talked anyway even if it was just to hear it out loud so I could sort it through myself. Well, that particular endearing quality wound up causing pain, so I try not to talk to people who don't wanna hear about certain aspects of my life. That's fine. But now I have some things to work through that I'm too scared to talk to everyday people about (ooooh the judgment!) and too poor to take a chance on a therapist who may or may not be friendly to my needs. That wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't just go to the insurance covered shrink, I'd need to find someone who was okay with A B and C. This is messing me up a little more than I would like to admit. I'm pulling back from a few people because I don't trust myself to shut up around them. And I'm swearing a lot. I should work on that.
The night is ending with me trying to figure out a stats program. I'll let the laughter of those of you who know me die down a bit. It's numbers, visual alignment, and short term memory. All three of the things I have the most trouble with. I'll run an analysis on a set of numbers only to forget how to run the exact same analysis on another variable. Fuck. I will overcome this! I shall defeat the program because for all it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die, I see how useful it will be for my papers later in the term. Hoo ah!
Vienna Teng's Momentum is my new theme song. Yes, it is.
~Susan
I'm being a twat through email to someone I love. Not trying to be, but neither of us are being understood. I hate fighting. It sucks ass. I don't know what's expected of me. Especially when it's not going anywhere because we can't really talk any other way. *looses at life*
For the first time in my life I have things I can't talk to anyone about. I've been in several situations where I had no one who understood or no one who wanted to hear it, but I usually talked anyway even if it was just to hear it out loud so I could sort it through myself. Well, that particular endearing quality wound up causing pain, so I try not to talk to people who don't wanna hear about certain aspects of my life. That's fine. But now I have some things to work through that I'm too scared to talk to everyday people about (ooooh the judgment!) and too poor to take a chance on a therapist who may or may not be friendly to my needs. That wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't just go to the insurance covered shrink, I'd need to find someone who was okay with A B and C. This is messing me up a little more than I would like to admit. I'm pulling back from a few people because I don't trust myself to shut up around them. And I'm swearing a lot. I should work on that.
The night is ending with me trying to figure out a stats program. I'll let the laughter of those of you who know me die down a bit. It's numbers, visual alignment, and short term memory. All three of the things I have the most trouble with. I'll run an analysis on a set of numbers only to forget how to run the exact same analysis on another variable. Fuck. I will overcome this! I shall defeat the program because for all it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die, I see how useful it will be for my papers later in the term. Hoo ah!
Vienna Teng's Momentum is my new theme song. Yes, it is.
~Susan